I know I’ve been bombarding you with posts all week, dear readers, so here’s hoping for a busy enough weekend to provide us all with a little relief.
I finally connected with Cute Chinese Guy and gave the speech. It was even more awkward than I could have imagined. His reaction was to ask what the other guy is like. Who does that?? I stammered, I stuttered, I had no idea whatsoever how to react to that kind of inquiry. I said that we just really seem to click and tried to leave it at that. Was I supposed to gush to him like I’ve been gushing to you all? We left it at “keep in touch.” I feel both relieved and chagrined, which is to be expected.
Tattoo Guy called me yesterday. In most instances, when someone says “let’s be friends,” there’s a note of insincerity involved. But when I said it to Tattoo Guy I meant it, and I was actually pleasantly surprised to hear from him. He’s thinking of having a wine tasting at his place in a couple of weeks (did I mention before that he’s really into wine?) and will keep me posted. I’m not just giving lip service when I say that I hope he and I keep in touch.
Now for the Gloom and Doom portion of today’s report.
I have not yet heard from MNB. And the MySpace Stalking Bug has bitten me HARD. I just checked his page (yes, I’m silently self-flagellating as I type this) and he’s logged on today and yet – still no word. Am I to think that the date is off? Am I to assume that it’s still on? And last night I had a particularly terrifying thought: what if he was just mentioning that he had a party to go to – and wasn’t actually inviting me to it?? But then I, just this second, re-read the letter, and he explicitly invites me. So at least one little fear is assuaged. But that still doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t heard from him and it’s FREAKING ME OUT. I actually got up at 5 AM and went to the gym this morning, because I was too full of anxiety to stay in bed any longer. How nuts is that?
Some of me is saying: I should just suck it up and drop him another note – asking what time he wants to get together on Saturday. Part of me wants to play by the stupid Rules and let him contact me. Most of me wishes that I wasn’t obsessing over this so dang much. It’s just that I’ve decided that I really like him and that I’m going to give it a shot, and now I’m spooked. I’m especially spooked by the mysterious post-3rd date timing of the whole deal. All I can do at this point is hope that I'm just being a stupid "chick" about it and that everything will work itself out. But I'm trying to psychologically prepare myself for things to go the other way as well. A lot of what gets a relationship going in the beginning is momentum, and MNB and I lost ours when the Wednesday night date was cancelled.
Okay, so I broke down and did the chick thing and sent a little casual "what time do you want to get together tomorrow" note. He responded, not too long after, with a very suspicious "I just got a ton of work thrown on me and I'm not sure I can get together this weeekend can we play it by ear" email. This did not assuage my fears, it confirmed them. In my (albeit, probably paranoid) mind, not being able to make time on a weekend for a girl that you're dating means He's Just Not That Into Me.
On the off-chance that I'm wrong and he's not a jerk, and instead is just terrifyingly sincere, I sent him back a "of course I'm super-duper cool with everything see how cool I am don't you want to marry me yet" email. I told him to call me tomorrow and let me know. In my own head, I've already decided that he's going to be too busy, and that he's not very into me, just to protect my fragile little girl ego. I've got very fun back-up plans for tomorrow night, so I don't need him anyway. (so there!)
So at this point, it's a Wait-and-See situation. I'm going to go out tonight with some girls and drink copious amounts of alcohol and drown my sorrows.
Lyrics of the Day
"Memories. Light the corners of my mind. Misty water-colored memories, of the way we were." Barbara Streisand The Way We Were
6 months ago