As I said before, things have changed.
I am no longer the girl that I was when I started this blog. For one thing, I turned thirty. I've left the mistakes and uncertainty of my twenties behind and I feel no need to look back. I'm also no longer confused, no longer looking, no longer wondering about the "why"s and "how"s of love and relationships. The answer is: Because.
Because you suddenly cannot imagine your life in any other way. Because you suddenly find yourself in a world that is gray when he's not beside you. Because you can be absolutely, completely, utterly yourself and he still looks at you like you're his own, personal angel.
Bombshell of bombshells: Joe Montana and I are getting married.
He popped the question on May 21st, with my grandmother's ring. My family was ready to hand it over after Thanksgiving, barely 5 months into our relationship.
Living with Joe Montana (since February, when he came down here from Montana) has been amazing. I cannot believe how easy every day is with him, even when things aren't so easy. He is more than I ever could have imagined. I've never been one to believe in things like Soulmates, or The One. But he is. He is The One.
For months, I've been ruminating on where to go with the writing, on how to carry on. And I've been distracted, jealous of my time with Joe Montana, feeling that every moment is special and important and it's so hard to tear myself away. But I do want to continue writing. I want to continue for me, because it's good for me. But I also want to continue for anyone out there that was where I was before I got together with Joe.
A year ago (tomorrow, actually) I was resolutely single. I was quite, and almost contentedly, sure that I was going to go it alone. I knew that things like marriage and coupledom weren't for me, and I was okay with that. I was almost happy about it. Compared to the catastrophes that I had weathered, being by myself was a refuge. It was safe.
And here I am. I'm planning a wedding that doesn't matter to me nearly as much as the marriage that I get to share with a man that I love more than breathing. I'm trying to reconcile my old, independent self with this new self that hurts when he's gone (as he is now, sent to North Carolina by his job, for two weeks that include the weekend of our anniversary) and can't seem to enjoy things as much with out him as with him. I'm here, thinking of how I want to write about what it's like to be in love. Not just in love, but in love now, here. To be in love in this time when love and relationships are so fleeting and I've found a man who promises me 54 years of love. (Due to his odd refusal to promise to live to be older than 86 is the time limit, and one I'm determined to convince him to reconsider.) So this is going to be my, somewhat hackneyed, focus in my next blogging endeavor. Love. Modern Love. Lasting, lifelong love.
And, despite the odds against it, how it can ultimately triumph over all.
Lyrics of the Day
"Ahh home. Yes, I am home. Home is when I'm alone with you." Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros Home
6 months ago