Thursday, June 29, 2006


I have very mixed feelings about my first date with Mr. Hawaii. We met at the Cat n Fiddle at 7:30. He was stuck in traffic on the way there, so called to warn me that he may be 5 or 10 minutes late. He ended up being almost exactly on time – but the call gave him big Brownie Points because I’m both crazily punctual and crazy about manners. We settled onto a bench, because the Cat was strangely busy for a Wednesday night, and commenced Getting To Know Each Other.

First off, let me say that he’s a very sweet guy. He remembers all the little details that we talked about in the emails and asks a lot of inquisitive and insightful questions. Previously unbeknownst to me, he is involved in the medical industry as well (which, by the way, makes me 5 for 5 in the dating-only-people-who-are-in-an-industry-I-have-worked-in game. Thus far, the score is: Medical: 3, Entertainment: 2). He edits stuff for order-entry software, which is far more interesting to me than it would be to the average Jo on the street. We talk about various aspects of healthcare and my job and his job, then move on to subject after subject.

Eventually, we get to writing. As I had mentioned in a previous post, I was particularly interested to talk to him about this. We talked a little about representation and what he wants to do (I had asked a lot of questions about this over email, so knew the basics), then he paid me a really big compliment. He said that he really thinks that I write well (and this based on a mere 4-or-so emails) and that I should really try to tackle something. I made a very vague allusion to the fact that I’ve been blogging a little (the closest I’ve come to admitting this little venture; the closest I’ll probably ever come, unless something gets serious), and that I’ve really been enjoying it. He told me a couple more times that he thought my writing was witty and smart (trying to get into my pants? Maybe, but flattery will get you everywhere), and I thanked him profusely, because it really does mean a lot to me when someone has a positive opinion of my writing. Anyway, eventually it was time for me to get my Old Lady butt to bed, so we bid our farewells and I told him that I would be up to do something again. Our conversation was so good and I did laugh quite a bit, so I think it warrants a second date.

BUT. Here are the reasons that my feelings are so mixed: First, he’s smaller than I am. And I don’t mean in height, which wouldn’t bother me one bit, I mean in girth. As in, I probably out-weigh him and I’m not considered a large girl by any standards other than Hollywood’s. There’s something about dating someone who would need a belt to wear my pants that just doesn’t sit right with me. The other thing is that I was right in my initial fear about him – he is just a little too dorky. I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that internet dating creates strange bedfellows. Through this process, I’ve gone on dates with a lot of guys that I would probably never go out with if I met them in person first. I guess that’s the thing about it – you have to consider someone from such an entirely different angle that you don’t rule them out in the same ways. Maybe I should be… But the point is, if I had met him in person, I never would have gone out with him in the first place. But since I met him online, and he’s a really sweet guy, I’m willing to give him a real chance. Which is more dangerous in the end: meeting someone you’re attracted to but might not be intellectually compatible with or vice versa?

Lyrics of the Day

“I wish you'd make up my bed, so I could make up my mind. Try it for sleeping instead, maybe you'll rest sometime.” Ryan Adams Come Pick Me Up


agirlbythesea said...

Hmmm...okay, ask yourself this: if you take away any physical image of him, and just concentrate on his personality and "soul" (if you will), are you attracted to him? Because really that's all that matters. I dated the nicest guy who was also smaller than me (well, sort of...we wore the same shoe size, a 6!!!), and I broke it off because I fixated too much on the physical. I was a DUMBASS because he's just the best person, seriously, and now someone else has him. :(

And dorks are cool, cuz I'm one.

I used to have my crazy Internet dating stories posted -- maybe I'll put those up again. You've inspired me to share.

LB said...

I do ask myself these questions - and I agree, it's not really about looks at all. I think it's more that I see warning signs that lead me to believe there are things that will bother me, and so I focus on what's most immediate (the dorkiness and skinniness)as a way of preparing myself for more pronounced negativity in the future. Or I could totally be overanalyzing and I'm just a shallow jerk.

Kristy said...

My boyfriend is smaller than me, and when we first got together, I was very weirded out about it, especially in, shall we say, more intimate settings. But I got over it very quickly b/c of the person he is. Love is often blind my dear.