Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Out of the Frying Pan - Again

Okay, so now that we're all coming to terms with the fact that things with Tall Guy are kaput, I'm going to officially put myself back out there online. This morning I switched the matching function back on with eHarmony and I finally visited my long-idle Match.com account. I expect a frightening number of eHarmony matches within the next 24 hours, based on previous experience. On Match, I had a couple of winks and emails, mostly from men that are WAY out of my age-range. I don't think it makes me a snob to think that 46 and 26 is just not a compatible dating match. I did, however, finally respond to the last email from Mr. Hawaii, which was two weeks ago. If he doesn't respond, it'll serve me right for putting him off. If he does, then I'll have a Brand New Internet Date (imagine the shiny, flashing neon lights) to relate to you all next week. I also winked back at one guy that seemed like he might be interesting, but he doesn't warrant actual naming unless he writes me an email. I also revamped my Match profile a little, making it a bit edgier, a bit less of the usual sappy crap. I'm not sure if it'll make any difference, but I figured that it's worth a try.

I have to grace y'all with another quote from Adverbs today, because it's just a perfect quote.

"Love is candy from a stranger, but it's candy you've had before and it probably won't kill you."

This is how I'm feeling right now. Like I'm looking around for a stranger with candy, unsure if this is really something that I should be doing. I've been pondering my true feelings about relationships and commitment a ton lately, especially because of this here lil ol' blog, and I've come to no satisfying conclusions whatsoever. Part of me thinks that I could really use a regular kiss-and-cuddle buddy right now, and that there's room in my life for another person. The other part of me thinks that it's just too big a risk (see: completely devastating 3 month relationship with flaky actor at the beginning of 2005 that destroyed my sense of self-worth for 9 months). So yeah, the candy probably won't kill me, but do I really want to take the chance again? Maybe. Maybe not. Listen to me, I'm so indecisive.

Let's enter into that fabled land of TOO MUCH INFORMATION. A lot of my hesitance to really, truly enter into something with someone is physical. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude and no one would ever call me frigid. BUT - there seems to be some sort of lingering baggage-y short circuit between the part of my brain that intellectually wants to jump someone's bones and the part of my brain that is willing to take steps to actually make that happen. I mean, I have plenty of desire to be close to someone physically, but at the same time, I can't imagine actually allowing anyone to get that close to me right now. This is a strange new development, which I have the urge to blame on aforementioned flaky actor ex, but it's causing quite a little battle in my head. I think that's a big part of the reason that I just suddenly stopped seeing all of the boys that I was seeing - because it was getting to the point where I would have to make crucial decisions about nakedness or break it off. I felt that there was more willingness in my sub-conscious to take those steps with Tall Guy, but things were derailed before I really got to test that theory.

I'm also considering jumping onto one more dating service online. It's one that I've done before, and I've mentioned the site quite a few times in the course of this blog, because I read the content almost every day. I'm speaking of Nerve.com, one of the best sites on the web, and home to a fairly interesting internet personals section. My eHarmony subscription is up in July sometime, and I don't think that I'm going to renew it at this point. I haven't met anyone on it aside from Tall Guy, and just don't feel like shelling out the cash to them again. Maybe I'll do it again at a later date, but for now I think I'll explore other options. Jeez, dealing with the dating services themselves is almost as bad as choosing dates! I have an old profile on Nerve, but I want to create a totally new one, and will probably get around to it in the next week or so.

Coming soon... My rant regarding Hollywood Poseur and why he's a really good example of How Not to Pick Up Chicks.

Lyrics of the Day
"I'm lost in my head, been thinking all around, I've gotta find the off ramp to my heart. Stop lights in a row, when all I want is go, drop it into first and I'll get home." Teitur Rough Around the Edges

No comments: