Wednesday, June 21, 2006

New Roads?

Sometimes I get it into my head that I'm oh-so worldly/mature/self-aware/independent/knowledgeable/adult that I forget to step back and really evaluate my own thoughts and words and actions. Like when I'm being horribly judgmental of people that really mean no harm. Like when I become inexplicably jealous of The Sister's ability to light up a bar/party/social situation, instead of realizing the many unique abilities that I, myself possess. Like when I get cocky thinking that I know my place in the world, and in this city, and in my place of work, only to have everything thrown off-balance in one short morning.

And then everything gets thrown into stark reality when I find myself obsessively reading the blog of a woman who can express herself more fully and eloquently at 23 than I have ever been able to.

I'm not sure if I can adequately relate the things that are in my head right now, or if it's even worth trying. I'm suddenly realizing that the road map I've drawn of my life (albeit, inside of my twisted little head) could be completely wrong, something that will have to be taken back to the drawing board in the next 3 months and completely revised. Or maybe crumpled into an angry little ball and heaved toward the garbage can in a fit of juvenile dismay. Or maybe lit on fire, then set atop my head so that I and my ill-conceived life plan can go down together in a Blaze of Glory.

I can't get into details, and I really do hate to be so fatalistic, but I may end up losing the cushy full-timeness of my job in the near future, due to really crappy circumstances completely out of my control. And if this does indeed happen, I will not stay around this place to be treated like a second rate employee - which is, in fact, the opposite of what I am. I will actively pursue that thing that I have been wanting to do ever since I heard the opportunity existed when I was a mere student of my trade: I'm going to Take It on the Road. That's right, in a matter of a few months, should the winds of Fate blow against my present course, I will strike out from this humble town into a Brave New World. I may have to change my URL - how can one be lasinglegirl when one no longer lives in LA?

Yes, this is all very overwrought and melodramatic, but I'm just blowing off a little emotional steam. I really did get potentially bad news about my employment situation, and I really may have to consider a change in the near future. Just when I thought everything was so secure...

Lyrics of the Day

"I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name. I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain." Augustana Boston

P.S. The only bright side to come of this, is that I am going to have this coming Monday off of work - which means: Sunday Funday nighttime leading into Monday Funday daytime antics and debauchery galore!

1 comment:

restaurant gal said...

Must have been in the air yesterday--that work sometimes sucks.

Hang in there. I know for a fact all of this crap eventually works out the way it's supposed to. At least that's what I keep telling myself!

--The Gal