A Popularity Contest

I don't know if I've really talked about this much in this forum, but throughout my life I've had a few periods of fairly low self-esteem.

I know this can't come as much of a surprise: what girl hasn't had her maudlin everybody-hates-me-and-I'm-ugly teenage phase? But my periods of low self-esteem were lengthy and unfortunately came at pretty regular intervals during the first 24 years or so of my life.

It is only in the most recent years that I have truly started to get past many of my insecurities and this has been more and more to my romantic advantage lately. For anyone who doesn't yet know this: there's nothing more attractive to the opposite sex than confidence.

By far, the most entertaining thing about my trip home for Christmas was the reaction I received from people I went to high school with. I am finally past the age of dreading running into said people and at a place in my life where I genuinely enjoy seeing them again and catching up - even if we weren't really friends way back in the day. But to have to actually re-introduce myself on more than one occasion, and to hear "Wow" as the response more often than not - well, that's a whole new ballgame folks.

I don't know if it's that I actually look that much different than I did in high school (though a radical hair-style change does have an effect) or if it's just that I'm a much (MUCH) happier person now, but I got quite a kick out of people's reactions to seeing me this time around. Being hit-on and/or propositioned by three or four different guys didn't hurt either.

I never would have guessed that at this point in my dating journey I would be getting more attention off-line than on!

Lyrics of the Day

"I just can't wait 'til my 10 year reunion, I'm gonna bust down the double doors and when I stand on these tables before you, you will know what all this time was for." John Mayer No Such Thing

Hear Me Here

Hey! I do have the promised surprise here for all you faithful readers today, but let me give you a little backstory...

Sometime around October, a nice gentleman named Kit Mikazuki started occasionally commenting on this here little blog. He said that he was about to start chronicling a bit of his own dating life online, but in a different format: the podcast.

For those of you who are new to this little world (as I am myself), a podcast is basically an audio-blog (if the maker so-desires). Episodes are recorded, then shared online - most easily through iTunes. For more basic info, check here.

Anyway, the point is, Kit was so kind as to invite me to do a guest interview on his totally entertaining podcast. He calls it "Nante Koto" which he says is Japanese for "Oh my [expletive deleted] God." I caught up on all of his episodes before said interview and then we had a rather lengthy chat about just about anything and everything in the entire world - though mostly the interview was about internet dating.

Imagine my excitement when Kit told me yesterday that the episode should be ready to publish by today! Well, he managed to meet his own deadline and the podcast episode is up online and ready for the listening!

You can access the podcast through Kit's website here, or you can go to iTunes and search for the Nante Koto podcast.

I had a ton of fun doing the interview and I'm even more excited to report that there was so much material there that today's episode is one of two. I'm pretty sure that means that I'm extraordinarily interesting and charming. Or it just means that I'm extraordinarily verbose.

You be the judge.

Back - ish...

I had no intention of being so conspicuously absent over this holiday week, but I just couldn't bring myself to sit down in front of my parents' computer for more than 2 minutes at any point. I am now back in LA safely (if a bit sadly) and am trying to slog through two days of work before I leave town again for the weekend.

I have stories. I do.

I'm just not feeling up to expounding on them at the moment. I really just checked in to let everyone know that I'm alive and that I promise to be back in actual blogging action very soon.

There may also be a fun little surprise to direct you all to later today, or maybe tomorrow, but I'm going to keep it mysterious until I know for sure that you can access it.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Lyrics of the Day

"Oh there's no place like home for the holidays, 'cause no matter how far away you roam, if you want to be happy in a million ways, for the holidays you can’t beat home, sweet home." Al Stillman Home For the Holidays

A Slow Start

I am just now starting to realize that I may have picked a rather inopportune time to begin my internet dating quest anew. This is not to say, not by any means, that I am giving up - it's just that things probably won't really get going until I get back into town after the holidays.

I've been terribly distracted ever since the initial excitement/disappointment of finding the first really appealing guy on Nerve. It's been a combination of things, but I just haven't been able to get my head back in the game. First and painfully foremost, I got my butt kicked at work last week and all weekend. By yesterday morning I was so exhausted and sleep-deprived that I could hardly function. Fortunately things were quiet yesterday and I was able to sneak out early and get some real sleep. Secondly, my brain is quite focused on going home to Montana for Christmas. I just can't wait to see my friends, my parents, some snow and some hot Montana boys. Thirdly (is that even a word?), I have been spending some time with The Kid.

Now, wait, hold on a second. This is totally not what you think.

Or maybe it is. I guess it depends on how perceptive you are.

I promise you that I have neither changed my stance on dating actors, nor on my belief that The Kid is not dating material. I stand firm in both of those areas. But, you see, it's just that - well - I'm finding it to be really nice to have a friendship with him that's just so... beneficial to us both. We may not be intellectually or romantically compatible, really at all, but the other way in which we are compatible makes it worthwhile to hang out every so often. Plus, we can talk about football. Most of my other guy friends don't get that at all.

Of course, my involvement with The Kid will not interfere with or delay my future internet dating efforts. If I actually end up meeting someone, then The Kid and I can just go back to being friends of the non-beneficial nature. No harm, no foul.

I have been talking to one boy online so far, who is coincidentally from my hometown in Montana. We've basically just been chatting about MT, but yesterday he dropped me a note suggesting that we get together for coffee after the holidays and reminisce about living in Big Sky Country. I can't even begin to guess if he's interested in me or if he's just looking for a Montana connection. I'm up for it, as he seems like a nice guy, so we'll see what happens.

Until then, I'm off to Montana tomorrow morning! I'm so excited that I can hardly handle it, and hopefully I'll have some entertaining dispatches from the road for you all over the holidays.

Lyrics of the Day

"Every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be homeward bound. I wish I was homeward bound. Home, where my thought's escaping. Home, where my music's playing. Home, where my love lies waiting silently for me." Simon & Garfunkel Homeward Bound

Curses - Foiled Again!

Oh, how quickly my little heart can be broken.

Today I logged onto Nerve, knowing that my profile has officially been approved and that I was visible to all members overnight. I wasn't sure what to expect, but when I saw that I had a reply from the dreamy boy I had written to yesterday, I nearly jumped out of my seat. I hurried to my inbox and clicked accidentally on his profile name, rather than the message that he sent me.

His profile had been turned off.

I thought, "Hmmm, I have no idea what this could mean, so I had better read the message."

"That was perhaps the best little note I have received. Thanks so much for sending it. In a typical twist of fate, I had just logged on here to turn my profile off indefinitely. You write like only a lovely woman could do, and I wish you luck in finding your counterpart. Meanwhile, let's try not to bump our heads on our bedroom ceilings."

*sigh*

I was too late. Someone else (wisely) snapped him up.

Oh well, you know this is just the beginning...

Lyrics of the Day

"Cheers darlin', I've got your wedding bells in my ear. Cheers darlin', you gave me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away." Damien Rice Cheers Darlin'

Oh, the Nerve!

I just fell in love.

Head-over-heels, completely, dorkily in love.

Well, sort-of.

I've FINALLY done it. I'm back up and running on-line (well, at least I will be as soon as my pictures get the official approval) on Nerve. While I'm waiting for this final approval (and for any sort of work to magically appear), I've decided I should peruse the selection. I was just beginning to lose hope when I stumbled across possibly the most eloquently written on-line profile in the history of the world.

And I fell in love.

What does a pro-active girl do when she falls in love? She gets right off her butt and emails said object of love with something that she hopes will be enough of something to elicit a response.

I already want to give him a name, but this is far too premature, seeing as though he hasn't responded to me yet.

But he will.

I've decided that he will.

Because I love him.

You know, I had forgotten that this can actually be fun.

Lyrics of the Day

"Something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way she woos me." The Beatles Something

The Sympathetic Nervous System Strikes Again

Mere moments ago, I was walking down the hall when I ran into BritNurse. He said that I missed a good party on Saturday night (it was our company Christmas party). I said that I was sure it was fun, but that I had a lot of fun at my own party.

He said, "You met someone, didn't you? You're blushing bright red."

I said, "No I'm not! I mean, umm," Here's where I started breaking down into a flustered stammer, something that always happens when I get caught blushing, "No, I mean, I didn't meet anyone. But it was a good party."

He said, "Yeah, I bet it was."

Lyrics of the Day

"And this little masochist, she's lifting up her dress. Guess I thought I could never feel the things I feel." Tori Amos Hey Jupiter

Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer

Caffeinate. Hydrate. Intoxicate.

These three words were the mantra of yesterday morning as Red sat at the bar with a Diet Coke, a water and a mimosa spread out in front of her.

I was depending on the latter two to start my morning. In retrospect, I really should have just stuck with hydrating.

Red and I (with The Sister in tow most of the time) may have, sort of, accidentally gone on a bit of a three-day bender this weekend.

And today I'm seriously paying for it. Really.

Friday night was a rousing success. Probably about 10 of my friends filtered in and out of the bar over the evening and Tattoo Guy brought about 4 or 5 of his own. We had quite the entertaining time that definitely included one (or three) too many Jager-bombs and an ill-advised stop at Del Taco at 3 am.



Saturday was way too much shopping (Do you have any idea how hard it is to find ugly Christmas sweaters in Los Angeles? It was hard.) and a very short nap before hitting up the sweater party. The party was a great time - lots of drinks, lots of sweaters, lots of music. Then, it finally happened.

I hooked up with The Kid.

I knew that it was inevitable. I did. No matter what I said here, I knew that something or another would end up happening eventually. There was just too much attraction there for it to go unfulfilled. And you know what? It was fun, and it might just happen again.

But he's still not dating material. And I think he's okay with that.

Red and I didn't get much sleep at all on Saturday night, but we were still crazy (or is it foolish?) enough to drag ourselves to the bar at 9:30 for football. We ended up having another great time, though this time I definitely over-indulged. I really should have stuck to water. Actually, I think I would feel better today if I had guzzled drain cleaner instead of the mimosas and Bailey's on the rocks that I was knocking back.

At some point, I may have ended up kissing The Fan. Maybe. Possibly a lot.

It's a really good thing that football season is almost over. I can't take this Sunday debauchery for much longer. Especially when both of my teams LOSE.

I may have gotten a profile-worthy photo or two over the weekend, but I was too busy passing out on my couch last night to upload them and go through them. It may not happen tonight either, but sometime this week, I will be back on-line and in the game.

Lyrics of the Day

"Think I’m drunk enough to drive you home now. I’ll keep my mouth kept shut under lock and key that’s rusted firm." Death Cab for Cutie Champagne From a Paper Cup

Phase Four

Or whatever phase it is by now. This weekend, the game plan is "lights, camera, take lots of photos so LB can get a date."

Tonight I am kicking off Profile Photo Search Weekend with a night out with a very random group of friends. I'm actually quite proud of myself. I do not endeavor to rally the troups very often, but this weekend seemed like the last chance to do so before the holidays, so I jumped on the opportunity. Prospective attendants include Red, My Husband, The Figa Master and Tattoo Guy. Yes, that's right: Tattoo Guy. Much to the surprise of many, we've actually kept in touch (albeit sporadically) and have actually formed a friendship.

Tomorrow brings shopping and an ugly Christmas sweater Christmas party with my football friends (and yes, this does include The Kid). The Sis and hopefully Red will be accompanying me there and who knows where afterward.

Sunday is football and well, we all know what football can mean.

By Monday I should have at least one workable shot of myself and it's off to the races we go! Unless, of course, as Tori commented on the last post, I find myself completely unable to take a pic where I'm not grimacing, blinking or looking as intoxicated as I may actually be.

Lyrics of the Day

"Don't just stand there, let's get to it. Strike a pose, there's nothing to it." Madonna Vogue

All About LB

I've spent the better part of the last two days staring at the new Nerve Personals profile that I'm putting together. It hasn't been that long since I was doing this for Match (revising and revising, over and over), but I seemed to have forgotten how hard it is! That, and the fact that Nerve is a different type of site: more educated, edgier, snarkier, more risque. I've got to be at the top of my game online here if I want to attract the kinds of guys that I'm hoping to attract. And I need some seriously good, new pictures of myself to post. Oh! The pressure!

There's so much to debate in filling out a personals profile. How much do you really want to disclose? Should I mention my strange idiosyncrasies, my relationship with The Sister, my crippling fear of commitment and intimacy? Do I ask for what I really want - a manly man who will chop down trees and fix my car and clean my plate after I'm full? Would it be wrong to be perfectly honest and mention that actors need not apply? There's a very delicate balance between honesty and TMI (Too Much Information), between alluring and scary, between honest and bitchy. I'm trying to walk that line, but walk it in my own little unique way.

I'm getting excited and antsy and nervous, but I'm ready. Ready for what's next, for what's out there. For who's out there.

Lyrics of the Day

"Yeah, It’s 4 miles and counting and my hands are shouting to meet you." Teitur To Meet You

Slim Pickings

Today is the first day in so long that I've had time to do much of anything online, so I've spent a good part of it perusing my favorite dating blogs on Nerve.com. Naturally, that little itch that I've been feeling lately becomes more vocal when it gets jealous of the dates that other people are going on, so I decided to do something I haven't done in a while, just for fun. I decided to peruse the increasingly creepy and depressing personals ads on Craigslist.





Some of the oh-so-intriguing headlines that I have to choose from?

Who wants a free breast massage tonight? - m4w - 26

NEED A GREENCARD LETS GET MARRIED - 35 (SANTA MONICA)

Honest, Respectful Benefactor. May I Help You? - 54 (West L.A.)

GQ professor type looking for implant girl

1500 for overnight with non-pro hottie - m4w - 30

I love to clean your house free and be your slave!! - 28 (burbank)

And possibly the most tempting of all:

TOM CRUISE massages you - 30 (lax) pic

Really?

Seriously?

Maybe I should just go back to dating actors...

Lyrics of the Day

"I'll sit and wonder of every love that could've been, if I'd only thought of something charming to say." Death Cab For Cutie The Sound of Settling

Something's in the Air

Maybe it's the fact that I'm desperately hoping to leave Los Angeles in the next six months. Maybe it's the fact that I've been feeling really good about myself lately. Maybe it's the fact that I put my hair in pigtails. Maybe it's the fact that I somehow feel like I've got nothing to lose.

I don't know what it is exactly, but I have just been darn near irresistible lately. I told you all about the other weekend at football, when my congested head was a total guy-magnet - well, things don't seemed to have changed with the shift of my head-cold into a super-fun sinus infection.

After a completely frustrating morning yesterday (being called in to work both before my Redskins game and at half-time), I was really cranky. I was on the brink of falling in love with a new Redskins fan that joined our little corner of craziness at Barney's yesterday (this guy is ridiculously cute and hopefully I'll have another chance with him next week), when I was paged into work. I put work off for an hour so I could watch the rest of the game, but I was so worried about getting yelled at for taking too long to get to work that I didn't really get to enjoy the second half. Of course, the fact that my team got slaughtered in the second half didn't help either.

I managed to shake off all my crankiness by the time I got to Big Wang's last night for the Broncos game. Shortly after getting settled on the large sectional couch in the back, a group of three guys started talking to my Broncos girls and I. Two of them were pretty cute and the third was the Funny Guy/class clown type. Somehow, for a good while during the evening, all three of them were hitting on me. Of course, this is in no small part due to the fact that I was the girl that was paying attention to them, but that did nothing to dampen the self-esteem boost that I was getting. I noticed very early on that one of the pretty cute ones was hammered. And I don't mean that he was just sorta drunk. I mean that he was slurring his words, saying ridiculously inappropriate things to just about everyone, and he actually managed to fall off of his stool at one point, nearly taking an entire table with him.

So, the question of the day is - who was hitting on me most persistently? The Hammered Guy. Who was I actually interested in? The other cute guy, who was actually really cute and from Nebraska and funny and well-spoken.

Ten bucks to anyone who can guess what Nebraska wants to be when he grows up.

Have I mentioned that I totally give up on dating in LA?

Of course, the only one I'm really interested in is an actor. Would it really be a normal night out for me if that wasn't the case?

In the end, I didn't give my number to any of them, though that was only half-way by choice. I would've given it to Nebraska if he had asked, but he didn't. Hammered Guy gave it a shot, and I was halfway through trying to nicely shoot him down when he finally figured out that I wasn't interested. Maybe in real life he's a sweet, intelligent person, but I have no desire to give my number to someone who spent half the night nearly drooling on himself and the other half saying mostly incoherent sexual innuendos or yelling homophobic epithets at any player that happened to be on-screen at the time. Charming.

The topper is that as soon as the three guys left, someone else immediately turned his attention to me. That's right - The Kid was with us for the whole game and as per usual was quite interested in me after noticing that I wasn't interested in him. He asked me where I've been, told me he missed me. Then he proceeded to put his mouth to my ear and whisper what was essentially nonsense, in the interest of watching me squirm. Cruel. Did I take the bait? Eh, not really. I've been down this road before.

So, it seems the word is out. I'm back on the market, ready to go on a date or two and it seems that there are some options out there.

Lyrics of the Day

"My mom says I'm a catch, I'm popular." Nada Surf Popular

Triumph

I'm sorry for the long delay in posting - it's been impossible for me to be in front of a computer for more than 2 minutes since Thursday. But...

I passed!

The evil, long hours of studying that I did really paid off. I actually did even better on the test than I thought I would. I can officially call myself a registered member of my profession and I get to put letters after my name. It's such a relief and a rush to be done, I can't even explain it.

Thursday night I went out with The Sis and an old friend from Montana who was in town visiting. We had WAY too much fun and drank WAY too much champagne. I went into work late on Friday but got my butt kicked all afternoon and collapsed as soon as I got home last night.

Now that I've crossed this line, passed this milestone, there is so much that has to be decided. So much ahead of me. But for now I'm just going to enjoy a lazy weekend of being on-call for work and watching a ton of TV. Next week, we'll get down to some business.