Wednesday, August 23, 2006

My Double Standard

When I was in the throes of my infatuation with Tall Guy (who I was referring to as My New Boyfriend at that point), there were a thousand signals that he just wasn’t that into me. He never called me the day after a date, he was always the one to end the date, toward the end he started postponing dates and narrowing his availability. But I was so blinded by my hopes that he could be someone worth seeing for a while that I conveniently ignored all the warning signs. Once I figured it all out, I was ashamed of myself for being such a dunce, but twitterpation tends to foster all sorts of stupidity.

So, knowing how easily the mind justifies the actions of an object of desire, and being a victim of such justification myself – how is it that I can be so annoyed at someone for doing the same thing? I’ve realized that I have a hopeless Dating Double Standard, and I feel terrible about it. If I were dating a guy that I liked, and he made a reference to possible dates in the future, I would be excited about it. If he told me that he was trying to show-off my online profile to someone else, I would be overwhelmed with joy. If he referred multiple times to his opinion that I’m attractive, I’d be floating on air. But when the above statements are made by someone that I’m just not into, I think, why can’t he see that I’m just not that into him?
It was toward the end of my date with Mr. Hawaii last night that I realized what I was doing. I was silently judging him for doing things that I would welcome from someone that I felt a romantic connection with. And I was mentally scolding him for not realizing how I felt. And then I realized that if I were to state all of these feelings on my blog, people would think that I’m a complete bitch. Then I felt really terrible.

It’s not Mr. H’s fault, but there’s just no romantic chemistry there for me. He is ridiculously sweet, and definitely smart, and I think I would have really enjoyed getting to know him had it been happening under different circumstances. But the fact that there was this cloud of romantic possibility looming over each meeting was a problem. And, in retrospect, I couldn’t have realistically expected him to pick up the signals that I was trying to send. I mean, has a man ever picked up on a signal sent by a woman? I think not. They need to be told of our thoughts or feelings or intentions, because nothing else is obvious enough to the male brain. And often times the reverse is true – men can seem just as mysterious to women, and we need to be told things outright as well.

Chalk one more up in the category of Guys that I Just Couldn’t Be Attracted To. But I feel like I’m learning a little something with each guy, with each date. And hopefully I’m slowly learning to handle situations better, to judge my own feelings better, to refine my requirements a little better. Maybe some day I’ll be able to avoid going on dates that I’m reluctant to go on entirely.


Lyrics of the Day

"And dream of a love that made you feel more alive, worth any compromise. A love that will always keep you surprised and prove to be worth a fight." Maria Taylor Hitched

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