Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Ultimate Question

I had thought today about posting a little diatribe regarding this strange-ish dream that I had last night, because it made me think a lot about my essential goals as far as a future relationship goes. But then, most fortuitously, a reader posted an inquiry on my last post:

"When are you going to go on more internet dates? I thought that was the point of this whole blog? You are talking about your past, and not going on dates. "

That's a question that I've been asking myself a lot lately. As I stated in an earlier post, I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now - for both personal and professional reasons. It's far more discouraging than most people know to go on unsuccessful date after unsuccessful date. I've had a building feeling that there really isn't a guy for me in the entire city of Los Angeles, and this most recent string of internet dates really made me think that I'm not making the feeling up. Plus, I was more than dissatisfied with my experiences on both Match.com and eHarmony. Match is full of game-players just looking for the hottest person available (I'm not going to say that I wasn't guilty of some superficial judgements myself) and eHarmony seems more populated with the socially-inept or the extraordinarily busy. In neither medium did I feel that I was making fair judgements or being judged fairly, nor was I able to feel like I could really convey who I am.

So this brings us to a bit of a stalemate. Am I going to go on more internet dates? It's been just over a month now since my last date, and a few days less since the last ill-fated correspondence was sent (the futile email to the vanished WY Guy). Have I been missing the dates? Well, maybe, just a little, sorta. Have I been relishing the extra sleep time? Hell yes I have. Do I have a terrifyingly difficult certification exam to sit for (and hopefully pass) in the next month, that I must pass to have all of my professional options open to me or to beg for a [hard-earned] pay increase? Yes, yes I do.

I want to date, I do. I don't want to give up hope on finding someone to keep me warm at night (on those rare nights in LA when it's cold enough to need someone). I also have a burning desire to apply to be a blogger on Nerve.com (which I've said about a thousand times, so maybe I should do something about it??). So I think that, in the near future, I will finally get myself back onto their dating site (which I haven't done this time around) and try to develop some material for this blog and also for said application to blog for them.

Lastly, yes, this is a blog about internet dating. But it's also a blog about me. It's something that I use to sort out my thoughts, to keep up with my friends, to focus my often-sporadic urges to write. I'm just sharing here people, because I love doing it. The dating thing was mostly an excuse to write.

Lyrics of the Day

"And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud, and I know that you'll use them however you want to." Anna Nalick Breathe (2 am)


Anonymous said...

Well then you lied. And thats not nice and its very selfish. Shame, shame.

Kristy said...

Keep writing. I just like reading what you're up to. Any blogger out there knows that it is impossible to focus a blog on one subject. People are multifacetted.

LB said...

Is there anything about writing a blog that isn't selfish and self-indulgent? What exactly are you expecting?

And thank you Kristy, I completely agree with you. I read a lot of blogs too, and I love to get involved in any parts of their lives that the bloggers are willing to share.

Ashlee said...

She's a great writer! She could write on any subject and i'd read it... =)

LB said...

Thank you so much Ashlee, that means a lot to me.

Gosh guys, I'm starting to get all choked up here!