Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Ultimate Question

I had thought today about posting a little diatribe regarding this strange-ish dream that I had last night, because it made me think a lot about my essential goals as far as a future relationship goes. But then, most fortuitously, a reader posted an inquiry on my last post:

"When are you going to go on more internet dates? I thought that was the point of this whole blog? You are talking about your past, and not going on dates. "

That's a question that I've been asking myself a lot lately. As I stated in an earlier post, I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now - for both personal and professional reasons. It's far more discouraging than most people know to go on unsuccessful date after unsuccessful date. I've had a building feeling that there really isn't a guy for me in the entire city of Los Angeles, and this most recent string of internet dates really made me think that I'm not making the feeling up. Plus, I was more than dissatisfied with my experiences on both Match.com and eHarmony. Match is full of game-players just looking for the hottest person available (I'm not going to say that I wasn't guilty of some superficial judgements myself) and eHarmony seems more populated with the socially-inept or the extraordinarily busy. In neither medium did I feel that I was making fair judgements or being judged fairly, nor was I able to feel like I could really convey who I am.

So this brings us to a bit of a stalemate. Am I going to go on more internet dates? It's been just over a month now since my last date, and a few days less since the last ill-fated correspondence was sent (the futile email to the vanished WY Guy). Have I been missing the dates? Well, maybe, just a little, sorta. Have I been relishing the extra sleep time? Hell yes I have. Do I have a terrifyingly difficult certification exam to sit for (and hopefully pass) in the next month, that I must pass to have all of my professional options open to me or to beg for a [hard-earned] pay increase? Yes, yes I do.

I want to date, I do. I don't want to give up hope on finding someone to keep me warm at night (on those rare nights in LA when it's cold enough to need someone). I also have a burning desire to apply to be a blogger on Nerve.com (which I've said about a thousand times, so maybe I should do something about it??). So I think that, in the near future, I will finally get myself back onto their dating site (which I haven't done this time around) and try to develop some material for this blog and also for said application to blog for them.

Lastly, yes, this is a blog about internet dating. But it's also a blog about me. It's something that I use to sort out my thoughts, to keep up with my friends, to focus my often-sporadic urges to write. I'm just sharing here people, because I love doing it. The dating thing was mostly an excuse to write.

Lyrics of the Day

"And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud, and I know that you'll use them however you want to." Anna Nalick Breathe (2 am)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well then you lied. And thats not nice and its very selfish. Shame, shame.

Kristy said...

Keep writing. I just like reading what you're up to. Any blogger out there knows that it is impossible to focus a blog on one subject. People are multifacetted.

LB said...

Is there anything about writing a blog that isn't selfish and self-indulgent? What exactly are you expecting?

And thank you Kristy, I completely agree with you. I read a lot of blogs too, and I love to get involved in any parts of their lives that the bloggers are willing to share.

Ashlee said...

She's a great writer! She could write on any subject and i'd read it... =)

LB said...

Thank you so much Ashlee, that means a lot to me.

Gosh guys, I'm starting to get all choked up here!