Deja Vu

My Husband isn't the only man from my past who has popped up suddenly in the last month. For some reason, when it rains - it pours.

The first person to try to contact me was the most offensive. It was the person with whom I made that catastrophic mistake that I mentioned in the story about My Husband. The Mistake and I did not talk after the mistake was made. For two blissful years, I got to pretend that he didn't exist. Then, for no apparent reason, I start receiving text messages from him. I thought that it must be a mistake - that he had sent out a mass text and didn't really mean to send it to me. I am of the opinion that you should delete someone's number from your phone when you have a catastrophic experience that causes you to wish that person had never existed. But I guess The Mistake doesn't live by the same code that I do. Even more shocking was the personal phone call I got a couple of nights later, him acting as if nothing had ever happened. Like we'd just "lost touch". I was perplexed and felt even a little guilty for not responding until I got the text that revealed what I had suspected: he wasn't trying to get in touch with me to catch up. He's taking a stab at promoting for a trendy club in Hollywood (presumably due to the fact that his acting career must not be going well) and was looking for anyone anywhere who could help him fill the space. Mystery solved, guilt abated.

The next one in line was My Husband, but you already know that story.

The most recent (and most destructive) contact was from The Ex. I don't know if I've mentioned him yet in this space, but he was someone that I dated about a year and a half ago. It was short-lived but deep, intense and devastating. Six months after we broke up, I got in touch with him with the vain (and yes, pathetic) hope that he would have realized his mistake in walking away from what had seemed like a promising relationship. He hadn't. Yet he continued to email me updates and forward jokes and such until I wrote him back. I explained that I had thought I was ready to be friends, but that I was mistaken. The communication ceased for a while after that, but started back up some time last year. He had decided for some reason to put me on his mass-email list but never sent me personal emails, so I refused to allow myself to think that they meant anything. I also didn't allow myself to respond, thinking it was just better to let sleeping dogs lie. Then he was sent out of the country for the larger part of this year by the Air Force Reserves and I received his updates about his travels, but continued to try to ignore them and felt somewhat relieved not to have him in the greater Los Angeles area. Apparently he's now back in town, because on Friday night I received a text message from him, imploring me to go see his new theater show with the group that he performs with.

Now, I realize that this was another mass send-out, and that he's not contacting me personally. But seriously boys, can you learn to delete phone numbers from your phones?? And what gives them the right to clog up my cell with text messages, which cost money? Shouldn't berating my AOL inbox be enough?

I don't know if it's that I haven't had an actual relationship (or really even a significant romantic connection) with anyone since The Ex or if it's some other reason, but there's this tiny, stupid, worthless part of me that wants nothing more than for him to turn back up some day and say that he was wrong and stupid and that he can't live without me. But I'm not holding my breath.

Lyrics of the Day

"Oh, when the day is blue, I'll sit here wondering about you and how the pollen fell all around your face in strange yellow patterns. But I wasn't prepared for this." Eisley I Wasn't Prepared