Catching On

I can't pinpoint the moment or the action that finally brought My Husband's feelings for me into focus. Maybe I had known it all along and I just shoved it into the back of my mind most of the time. When I go back over it all in my head, I can think of a thousand Red Flags. I can think of a million moments that I probably should have gotten it, or I should have reacted differently, or I should have seen all of the drama coming. But I didn't. I really enjoyed the time that I was spending with him. We were becoming very close; I was confiding in him and he in me. Maybe that was the thing that pushed it all over to the wrong side...

I had a romantic encounter with someone very inappropriate at one point, and it had a very negative effect on my life. It caused a remarkable amount of drama for a couple of weeks, before everything blew over. I was horribly ashamed of myself for getting into the situation so I wasn't sharing it with many people, but I did share it with some of my closest friends. I didn't realize what a mistake I was making when I told My Husband about it - but I realize now that it may have been much more of a catalyst for later strife than I have really considered before.

I was in the 99 Cent Store, buying things for the apartment that I had just moved into. I was on the phone with MH and for some reason thought that this was the time to come clean on the recent trouble. I expected the kind of reaction that I would get from any of my other friends - something along the lines of, "Damn, you're a moron." But I didn't. I got silence. Then he rushed off of the phone and didn't call me again for days. He didn't react like a friend hearing about a stupid mistake that I had made. He acted like we were married and I had just told him that I cheated on him. Not only was I disturbed by the reaction, but I felt sort of betrayed by it. I had trusted him with many of my deepest, darkest secrets and he had never abandoned me before. But now, he just disappeared.

A few days later, he apologized for the reaction. But I think that the damage may have been done. I started to realize that he didn't think of me in the same way that he would think of other friends. I started to see that he didn't want me to behave with him the same way that I would have behaved with any other male friend. I started to get uncomfortable. And I think that's probably when I started to handle the whole situation really poorly.

Lyrics of the Day

"One false move and a secret prophecy. Well, if you hold it against her, first hold it up and see that it's one side stone, one side fire, standing alone among all men's desire." Suzanne Vega Knight Moves