Cycling

Alright, here goes try #2 on the end of the whole mess...

At some point, My Husband and I got back into touch with each other. I don't remember exactly how, but I'm sure it had something to do with a function involving one of our mutual friends. Things started out fine, seemed normal and continued that way for a few more months. Yet somehow, with every gesture and every action, MH made me feel more and more beholden to him. He babysat my cat over Christmas and picked me up from the airport. He took me out to extravagant dinners and to Disney Land and to Magic Mountain. He helped me get a job while I was in school and negotiated a great hourly wage for me. I never asked him to do any of this, but I did accept it when offered. I'm sure that I should've turned most of it down, but I really suck at saying "no".

Then the inevitable happened: we had another huge fight.

Unsurprisingly, we didn't speak for a few months again. Then again reconnected through a mutual friend's function. We were right back to Square One all over again. But that wasn't the last time - oh no. One more cycle happened and ended with a period of silence that lasted nearly 6 months.

Obviously I've belaboured the point. But I'm not sure this series of fairly tedious entries even come close to the real tedium that's been endured over the ridiculous cycles of this friendship. There's always been a lingering sense of guilt in all my interactions with or thoughts about MH, whether or not we're talking. I've felt guilty for ways that I've treated him, indignant for assumptions he's made about me, and exhausted by the constant back and forth of things. I was pretty sure that our last fight was our last, and more than a little relieved by the thought. But, you see, there is a point to this lengthy narrative.

I've begun hanging out with My Husband again.

Lyrics of the Day

"Now you say that you like me, but you don't "like-like" me. You say that you love me but you're not in love with me and we should just be friends." The Vandals The New You