Throughout my romantic life, there have been times where I've suddenly started reacting differently to the guy that I've been seeing. This is hard to explain. When it happens it feels like everything was normal, but all of the sudden I start to feel unsteady and insecure and thrown off kilter. At first, I don't know what's going on, and the people around me think I'm being a chick and being irrational and starting to get clingy and co-dependent. But these things are not in my nature - I would never normally behave this way.
Over time, I've begun to realize that I'm extremely sensitive to the actions and behaviors of others. It's not that I suddenly begin acting differently toward my significant other (or the guy I'm dating or sleeping with, or whatever), it's that they've begun acting differently toward me.
Sometimes this shift would be completely imperceptible to someone else or to anyone outside of the situation. Sometimes this shift is highly noticeable and it's a no-brainer. Either way, something changes and it usually signals the beginning of the end.
With the Speed Freak, it was pretty much there from about the end of Month One until the end of the relationship, though it ebbed and surged at different times throughout the relationship. With The Ex, I remember the exact moment that I noticed that something was wrong, though it took me weeks to realize what it all really meant. With Irish, it was the way he talked to me on the phone the day before our first (and only) date.
With The Kid, it sorta started with that seductive, yet slightly romantic text message last week. It began to solidify with the scheduling snafu that occurred on Saturday night (though I take some of the blame for that since it was the first time I actually tried to plan seeing him in advance). And of course, the kicker was the unanswered text message response that I sent him on Monday afternoon.
I consulted The Sister about it, before I fully realized that he was blowing me off. I was bitching about the Saturday scheduling and the fact that he didn't reply to my Monday text. She said, "You know, I think you're starting to treat him like he's your boyfriend or like he owes you something, but he doesn't." I thought, at the time, that maybe she had a point. Maybe I was adjusting in the wrong direction to the relationship and I needed to force myself to chill back out. But it was when I texted him "You busy tonight?" on Wednesday and never received a response that I realized I had been reacting to a subtle shift in his behavior. If he had remained chill and casual about the whole thing, while still maintaining the level of interaction that we had glided into, I would've remained calm as well. You see, this is the first time he's ever not responded to a text from me.
Now here's my disclaimer: I am not heartbroken about this. I did not get emotionally involved in this situation. If it is truly and completely over (and I'm fairly sure that it is), that's fine. But I really do feel a certain amount of indignation. Remember those rules that I was talking about a few posts ago? As Constant Dater states them, they apply only before you've slept with someone. If I had been the one to end the arrangement, I would have done so verbally. And you know that I'm telling the truth, because that's how I've dealt with every dating relationship that I've chronicled in this forum.
So here I am, again, begging for your advice. Don't I deserve a concrete answer? Can I text him or call him one more time, just to have the closure that I need? Because emotional involvement or no, I cannot stand being left in suspense.
Lyrics of the Day
"I've been sitting up waiting for my sugar to show; I've been listening to the sirens and the radio. He said he'd be over three hours ago, I've been waiting for his car on the hill." Joni Mitchell Car on a Hill
6 months ago