Something is telling me that it's time to go. And it's not just the little voice in the back of my head that has been dying to get out of LA for months now.
I am an extremely responsible person. I pay my bills on time, I balance my checkbook, I never lose anything, I always keep my appointments, I'm always on time for work. You wouldn't know this about me by the way the end of last week went for me, and I'm pretty sure that it's a message that the Universe is trying to send me.
Every morning as I leave my apartment, I check my pocket to make sure that I've got my keys with me before I close the door. Every morning they're there and I go on my merry way. Friday morning, I shut the door, then checked my pocket for my keys - only to find that, for the first time ever, they weren't there. They were still sitting on the table where I throw them every day and I had instead picked up my spare pair of sunglasses and slipped them into my pocket.
On Saturday morning, I woke up far too early filled with anxiety over the grocery shopping and house cleaning that I absolutely had to get done. I got out of bed at 8:30 am, after a mere 6 hours of sleep, and ran around town before getting to some serious cleaning. It was after I ran a bunch of errands that I realized that the part of my keychain that contained my mailbox and laundry room keys was no longer attached to the rest. I tried to swing back by the parking lots I had been in to see if I could see where I had dropped the keys, but to no avail.
Sunday morning my pager went off at 4:30 am, after I had been in bed for only 3 1/2 hours. I went to work, left, and crawled back into bed at 5:50 am. At 6:1o am, my pager went off again. I cried, got out of bed and went back to work. At 7:30 am, when I was halfway home again, my pager went off for a third time. It was nearly 9:00 am by the time I got back to sleep.
Between the Universe's obvious message that I need to move the heck out of my apartment and the fact that work has got me a hair's breadth from burning out right now, I'm realizing that it's really time for me to make a change. As much as I want to leave, I've spent this first month of 2007 procrastinating and waffling and having second thoughts about whether or not I'm ready to go. I've been in LA for over 5 1/2 years now and I'm quite comfortable here - I could stay forever in this imaginary land I live in and wake up one day, single and 35 and wondering where the last 15 years went. But that's not what I want. I want to move on and move forward. I want to see what and where and who else is out there, in the great beyond that is everything north and east of Southern California.
Most of all, I want some time off. I want to go to Montana for more than a week and hang with my family and my friends and my home state. I want some flexibility in my working life and I want to meet some guys who never have been, nor have ever wanted to be actors.
Lyrics of the Day
"I think that I'm just tired, I think I need a new town to leave this all behind." Augustana Boston
7 months ago