Friday, March 09, 2007

Short-Timer's Syndrome

I know that I've been conspicuously absent lately, and well, I really have no excuse. The truth is that very little has been going on. Mostly, I'm just counting down. Counting down the work days, counting down the weekends to go out and have fun and see my friends, counting down the days that I have to pack up my entire life and get it out of LA (which, of course, I haven't even begun to do yet). What I haven't been doing is dating, or really thinking about guys much at all. Well, I guess that I have, just a little.

After meeting my future husband, Rockclimber, he did send me a message and a friend request on MySpace. It was a sweet and pointedly personal message - one of those that you send on dating sites where you specifically reference something in their profile to prove that you read the profile and are interested in who they are as a person. Not that I'm saying he's definitely interested, but it had that nice kind of feel to it. I asked The Sister if he had messaged her and he had. He wrote something to the effect of, "It was great to run into you the other night and your sister is really cool too." So I thought that was really sweet. On the other hand, what's the point? I'm leaving town and it couldn't go anywhere anyway... but it is sort of nice to have the thought of someone liking me.

Last Saturday night I went out with my football friend Brussell. At one point at the bar, a nice young man who didn't really seem to be my type came up and asked if he could give me his phone number. It was at this point that I realized I have the absolutely most perfect and easiest blow-off line ever: I'm sorry, I'm moving in a month. It doesn't hurt any one's feelings and it's the truth.

Last night I hung out with The Kid for the first time in a couple of weeks. It wasn't intentional that we hadn't seen each other, it was just a run of bad scheduling. I had actually started to feel the lack of male attention / affection early this week, so I was more than happy that we were finally able to coordinate - and we definitely made up for lost time. I was talking to my friend The Figa Master about the situation earlier this week and he told me that he was actually surprised that this thing with The Kid was still working out. I told him I was a bit surprised myself, but that I'm pretty sure I knew why: it's always been a finite arrangement. From the moment we first hooked up, we both knew that I was planning on moving in a number of months. This allowed us both to really be in the moment and just enjoy what has been going on for what it is: a purely physical thing. There never had to be any anxiety over whether or not it could go anywhere else, because that was never a possibility. I am going to be sad to see it end though when I finally leave - it's been such a remarkably enjoyable and, for the most part, simple (excepting this one little hiccup). Although I realized talking to The Figa Master that I could have one of these everywhere I go as I'm travelling, I could rack up a whole harem full of Fuck Buddies all over the nation and always have a warm bed to tumble into wherever I go. Of course, I'm being mostly facetious about this... aren't I?

Again, it all comes down to my leaving. I'm trying not to have too much tunnel vision, trying to enjoy the time I have left here - but part of me is withdrawing. Part of me just wants to hole up in my apartment, on my couch with a bag of potato chips and Grey's Anatomy on DVD. And I have been doing a fair amount of that, but I'm resisting the impulse more and more. I've got to try to enjoy the time I have left while I still have it...

Lyrics of the Day

"The hardest part is yet to come, when you will cross the country alone." Death Cab For Cutie Blacking Out the Friction

2 comments:

little miss said...

Hey LB,
Just wanted to de-lurk and say hi! I've gone through the archives and have enjoyed getting a look at the world of internet dating- have always been curious about it!
I'm excited for you about your move- are you going to keep up the online search in your new home?

-little miss

Jonesy said...

I just finished your whole blog...it's been very interesting. I met my wife of 11 years online and it ended 13 months ago proving Internet relationships are doomed! ;) It did bring me 2 beautiful girls (7 and 9) whom I have custody of since the ex took off to move back to Cali.

I too am a Redskins fan (I live in Virginia seeing as you made a point about that being one of the first questions we ask each other as fans) and am looking forward to the upcoming season. You should really check out a game at FedEx field if ever in the area. It is quite the experience.

As a fellow sports fan I hope you are as excited as I am about March madness. I just watched UMD win here at work on streaming video and can't wait for the Georgetown game.

I wish you luck on your move. You are much braver than I could ever be. I moved to Tulsa, OK thinking it would help out with my relationship with my ex. We moved back after 2 years. I couldn't the the comfort zone I have here ever again. Thanks for writing this blog.