Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Not So Scary

I have been thinking lately that change can be a really beautiful thing.

In the past weeks, since I've gotten more used to my recovered Single Status, I have been making more changes than just adapting to the loss of a boyfriend and a roommate.

Did I ever mention that somewhere in the past 9 months, I had started smoking a little bit again? I probably didn't. Because I was horribly ashamed of it. It was something that I hid from everyone I could: none of my coworkers ever knew it - here or in Baltimore. I would only smoke at home, on my porch, and not out in public. I tried my very best to keep it to 2 or 3 cigarettes a day at the most, but that wasn't an excuse for such a backslide. I had quit for over 3 years, after smoking for more than 10, and quitting before had been the hardest thing I'd ever done. Yet, somehow, I allowed myself to start again. I made every excuse in the book, but it was really that: I let it happen.

Almost two weeks ago, I quit again. And it's been almost easy. Of course, the $2 hike in cigarette prices in FL definitely helped the motivation. I have also quit fast-food. And sodas. And wallowing in laziness and self-pity on my couch. I've been getting up early and working out, or running after work. I've been cooking myself healthy meals (although sometimes I only get around to a bowl of cereal - still not too bad) and laying off the snacks. I'm keeping my apartment actually clean - dusting and everything. I'm newly and strangely motivated to do all these good things for myself and I'm loving it.

Sure, dating someone new has something to do with this. But it's not everything. I'm doing it for myself and that's what feels best about it.

Lyrics of the Day

"I finally made it. I made a clean getaway." Maria Taylor Clean Getaway

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