Monday, April 06, 2009

Trust No One

I don't consider myself an optimist. I really tend toward pessimism and I anxietize about everything. But I guess that I tend to want to see and believe the best in people and it turns out that can be a dangerous game.

I feel that I should give a little background...

Last November, my family went on a trip to the Dominican Republic. A family vacation for a family that may or may not be whole for very much longer. After the vacation we went to California for Thanksgiving and I planned a weekend in LA to catch up with friends and hang some more with The Sister. I ended up spending most of that weekend with My Husband and a good friend of his, The Editor. The Sunday that I was in town, the three of us and my fam spent, literally, a full day drinking. We started at about 9:30 am for the Redskins game at the bar in LA where 'Skins fans are known to congregate and made stops at a couple more bars throughout the course of the day. I had a connection with The Editor which was flattering and surprising. In the end I ended up enjoying the attention too much and flirting with him and I upset My Husband. This is not the first time this kind of thing had happened and he didn't talk to me for a while, which I basically expected. Eventually, after a sincere apology over email, we started talking again casually. But it has gone in fits and starts and now I haven't actually talked to him in a few weeks.

My family is in Florida right now. My parents came to town for 2 weeks and they decided last week to fly The Sister down for the weekend so that we could all be together. My dad seems to be losing ground fairly quickly and we're seeing the need to spend as much time together as we can. More than once this weekend, The Sister or my parents mentioned doing things with MH, talking to him, future plans with him. I was pissed. I thought that it was completely uncool that he was still basically shutting me out but he felt like it was totally fine to still involve himself with my family. This morning, I told The Mother that I was pissed. That it bothered me that he would still insinuate himself into parts of my life but shun me personally.

Then the truth came out.

No one wanted to tell me, because they didn't want to be responsible for breaking up a relationship that I was trying to make work. No one wanted to get involved when they weren't sure that they should. But it was time I knew. I had to know.

PC had called MH. He had called because he suspected something and wanted to know what happened. He called because he had been reading my email and he saw my apology letter to MH. He called after he looked through my phone and got My Husband's number and put MH in the worst position possible. My Husband stopped talking to me to protect me from what he knew about PC. He wanted to protect me from the knowledge that PC checked my phone and my text messages and my emails. All the time. And part of me suspected things like this. Part of me thinks that he found this blog (though I still can't figure out how, if he did) and that he's been using it and everything else that I've typed to keep track of me. But I wanted to believe that he respected my privacy. I wanted to believe that I could have things that were my own. Because I can't honestly conceive of doing that to someone else. Why would you want to be with someone when you trust them so little?

Lyrics of the Day

"If she only knew, then he'd be through. But who knows which parts are true. She hates how it looks, but what can she do? The girls all talk behind her back, they say she's being used." The Good Life Notes in His Pockets


Papa jon said...

This was bad. There clearly is a bigger problem with PC then anything you are aware of whether he has a lack of self-confidence or neurotic mistrust but this is just crossing a line.

I know I said this to you already, and you know this, but right now you should just be with your family.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that happened to you. To be honest I've been on both sides of that coin and it isn't pretty. To answer your question...Sometimes it is not so much you don't trust the other person, but more than you feel like things are going poorly and you want reassurance because you're insecure and "feel" sometyhing is wrong. Its not hard to sense issues in a relationship.

Many times it starts innocently eniugh - seeing a "missed call" on your significant others phone and not recognizing the number... curiousity, suspicions and fear can get the best of people sometimes. Its a slippery slope too because once you find something that "looks suspicious" it becomes like an addictive drug to try to not keep checking up on the person.

Especially if the relationship is ikn a tpough place -I don't know I guess it people always feel better knowing "Why"... so if they were to discover a secret affair then they can somehow pin all the reasons for the relatiion failing, and poissibly exonerate themselves from blame? Definitely makes it easier to rip the band-aid off and walk away though.

I'm not saying what PC did was cool or right or anyuthing, just the maybe an insight - Even the best people canbe overcome be worry and "Want to know" what is going on and it just becomes hard to stop snooping I guess.

I tried to warn you early on about PC's clingy behavior... although he seemed to be super "nice", his niceness was also a way to disguise his need to cling and control. I've dated people like that and its just no good.

Only you can really learn your lessons... hopefully just watch out for this in the future and rest easier knowing that ytou definitely did the righjt thing. That sort of paranoid control freak behavior only gets worse.