Friday, March 13, 2009

Wandering Eyes

So part of the problem with my quandary over the future of my relationship with PC is becoming more and more apparent to me as I find myself settling in here in Florida. I can't help but wonder if there is someone else out there with whom things could be easier. Or at least someone with whom I could feel more compatible. Then that thought will yo-yo me back to the idea that it's really me and my intolerance for anything outside of my own comfort zone and there will never be anyone anywhere that could do everything Just-Right-Enough to make me happy. But I can't help but wonder...

I've always been a shameless check-out artist. I think it's nice to be checked out, so why shouldn't you stare brashly at the hot guy in the next car - it should flatter him. It flatters me when I'm stared at, so I figure I can return the favor. Of course, this is a habit that I've curbed somewhat since I've been with PC: out of respect and because he's way more of the jealous type than he'll admit to himself. He hates it when I talk about my actor crushes. But as The Mother always says, "Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu". (I'm just realizing now what must be the myriad of grammatical mistakes in that sentence, but that's how she says it.)

It's not that there is a wealth of hot, single, young guys in Southern Florida. Especially not right now, when we're in what's called Season (or The Season) and all the snow-birds (translation: retired folks from northern states escaping winter) are down here clogging up the roads and filling up the Olive Garden parking lot. But my eyes do start to wander a little, mostly when I'm out alone, and sometimes the dissatisfied part of me feels just a little bit excited at the possibility of being single again one day.

Lyrics of the Day

"Untie me, I've said no vows. The train is getting way too loud. I gotta leave here my girl, get on with my lonely life, just leave the ring on the rail for the wheels to nullify." The Shins Gone For Good


Julie said...

Wow, I had no idea Jeremy Sisto was that high on your list. I'll see what I can do ;)

If I'd stayed with J, it only would have been a matter of time before I cheated on him. Granted, I had a huge crush on a specific, non-celeb person, but still. I actually had a list of things I wanted to do if I ever became single again.

Go with your gut.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I do feel bad for PC... You are a super F**cking vapid Bitch.

Anonymous said...

I think you have to follow your heart at this point. You can't logic yourself into wanting to be with someone.

PC could be the best guy in the world and maybe 10 years from now you will wish you had chosen him - but you can't predict what will happen down the road. Maybe you will regret not being with PC and maybe you will meet someone else and go on to live happily ever after with that person.

Regardless, it is becoming more and more clear that for whatever reason you and PC are not meant to be right now. Frankly, you and he are both young, and I suspect you both have some growing up to do before really taking "the next step". It sounds like you and PC have no place left to go but to get married or break up at this point. And clearly it doesn't seem like you are ready for that - and he probably isn't either regardless of what he says he feels.

Anyway, go live your lives and stay lightly in touch as friends. I definitely think the sooner you break it off the better because if you wait too long you might not even be able to stay friends. If it is meant to be then maybe someday when you guys are at a different point in your lives things will feel right.

As much as I think PC sounds like a great guy and as much as I think you may very well be kicking yourself years down the road for cutting him loose - you have to live you live for who you are right now - not who you might be at soem point in the future.

Good luck.