Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Play It Again, Sam

So, I know that I may incur some wrath from y'all faithful readers, but I did finally come to a decision where PC is concerned.

I'm just not ready to give up quite yet.

We have been apart, both as a couple and geographically, for a month now. During this time, it does seem that things have started to head in the right direction. PC knows what he needs to do now: make an effort to give me space and turn to other people in his life for some of his emotional needs and pull his own weight financially. He's spent the last month on a ranch in South Dakota, helping some distant cousins prepare the ranch for pheasant season. He's been making money, giving me space and has had a lot of time to think about how things went wrong. And I have done the same.

I've got a new job, back in Baltimore where I was last summer but at a different location. I'm leaving tomorrow to head out there for just a quick 9 week gig. In the last week since learning that I had the job, I thought a ton about what I wanted to do concerning PC; I realized that I do want to give it one more chance. I don't want to put myself in a position to regret not seeing if it could work out under different circumstances. I don't want to wake up one day and think, "Maybe PC really was the guy for me and I let it go too soon."

I don't know. I can't be sure that this is the right decision or that it will work out. But I will say that I'm optimistic, which is a big change from how I was feeling when I broke up with him. If, by chance, it doesn't work out, then I think that I will be able to be satisfied with the fact that we both gave it all we could and it just wasn't what was supposed to be.

Lyrics of the Day

"She swears she hears the phone but she only gets the dial tone, so she imagines what she'd say, 'If you feel like coming home to me, sometime. Yeah if you feel like coming home to me anytime; I'll be waiting at the door, there's nothing to be sorry for." The Good Life You Don't Feel Like Home to Me


Suz said...

Good for you! I know that coming to a decision also feels good.

I'm very happy that you found a reasonable answer to at least some of your questions. I'm wishing you all the best of the love you found with PC in the first place.

I, for one, am happy with your decision. I truly hope it works out well this time around. YAY!!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like things are headed in a better direction. I hope the 9 weeks in Baltimore will be 9 weeks you have mostly to yourself to get some space.

May I suggest that once you finish up your new gig that maybe you and PC find jobs and (separate)apartments in the same area and try to date like you would have in the first place if you hadn't moved far away when you first met?

This would give you guys some time to get to know each other all over again and rebuild your bond without the feeling of being forced and overcrowded like when you guys were stuck in Ohio.

You guys are young and there is no sense trying to rush or push things. Let it happen naturally and don't do the living together thing under circumsyances where you or both of you ends up trapped.

I think that whole "trapped" feeling alone can really set people on edge sometimes when things start going badly and it only goes downhill from there.

I think working on a ranch might be a really good thing for PC and a good growth experience for him. Just my two cents. I hope things work out for you guys.

Dating said...

Good for you! I know that coming to a decision also feels good.