Those Three Little Words

I was jittery and impatient all day last Thursday before I left for LA. The hours simply couldn't pass fast enough to make me happy. I slept fitfully on the plane - but at least I did have a little nap before the evening's festivities. Red picked me up at LAX and we arrived at The Sister's party just after 10 pm. It was really sensory overload for me, being back in LA and suddenly being in such a chaotic social situation. And all the while I was counting the minutes, the seconds even, until Prince Charming would be off of work and finally with me again.

It was almost like the kind of magic I felt the first night that we met, seeing him in the flesh again after almost five weeks apart apart. Just being able to kiss him and touch him and feel his arms around me again was like coming home. And almost as heart-warming as this was The Sister's reception of PC - she hugged him and greeted him as if she was as happy to see him as I was. The Sister has never been like that with anyone I've dated. Often she hates them altogether, or is at the most grudgingly accepting. But this is so different, the way she just let PC in, I'm still amazed.

Prince Charming and I ended up DDing people that night and didn't get back to his house until after 4 am. And all night the words just wanted to slip out of my mouth. Earlier in the night when PC related a story to me about talking to a coworker that night, he told me that he said, "I'm going to marry this girl." Instead of freaking out and wanting to run in the face of commitment, like I usually want to, my heart melted. I was so ecstatically happy to hear that, I was floating on air.

When we finally got back to his place and made up for lost time, it almost felt like we had never been apart. Afterward, I lay there looking ar him and I just couldn't do it - I couldn't hold myself back and I said to him, "I am so in love with you." Out-load. I said it. And I meant it in a way that I have never meant it before. And Prince Charming told me that he loved me too and had been wanting to say it for almost two weeks and it was like our own little fairytale right there as the sun was rising and the birds were singing outside the bedroom window.

Lyrics of the Day

" I, I'm so in love with you. Whatever you want to do is all right with me, 'cause you make me feel so brand new and I want to spend my life with you." Al Green Let's Stay Together

Monumental

I told you all that I thought that this weekend would be monumental.

It was.

I'm still far from recovered from the lack of sleep, so I just can't bring myself to give the full details at the moment, but I promise that details are forthcoming. I should warn you though - you may need to bring your Pepto-Bismol, lest you be too nauseated by what I have to gush about...

The Day After Tomorrow

In 48 hours, I will be on the plane to Los Angeles. In 52 hours I will be landing at LAX where Red will be waiting to pick me up and take me to The Sister's going away party at Bodega Santa Monica. In 54 to 55 hours, I will be in the arms of Prince Charming, thanking all the powers-that-be that these 5 long weeks are over.

Tomorrow night I'll be packing my bags and hoping that I won't be too excited or impatient to sleep. Then I'll just have to suffer through one more day of work before I am on my way.

I have a feeling that this weekend could be rather monumental. Things may be said and things will be discussed. Lost time will most definitely be made up for. Friends will be introduced and hopefully approvals will be given. (After several relationship follies, I've learned to trust the input of others - not expressly, but it is always a good sign when your friends like your boyfriend.) Good lord I can't wait for these 55 hours to pass.

Lyrics of the Day

"I'm tired of calling you and missing you and dreaming that I've slept with you - don't get me wrong I still desperately love you." Teitur I Was Just Thinking

The Tip of My Tongue

Much of my (possibly now-former) commitment-phobia has been due to the petrifying fear of having my heart ripped out for the umpteenth time. Because even now some of that commitment-phobia still lingers, I had vowed that I would not be the first person to say "I love you." I know that's mostly childish, but saying those three little words is a risk of such magnitude that many people wait as long as they can to take that risk or they never risk it at all. My mind keeps returning to the episode of Grey's Anatomy (and say what you like, I love a good nighttime soapy drama - especially when there are hot doctors involved) where Callie has told George that she loves him and he blows her off for nearly an entire episode before telling her that he'll say it when he means it. That kind of scenario gives me nightmares. I've said it once before and not had it said back to me and it's not a good feeling.

But here's the thing: I really want to say it. I'm going to break down and tell you that I'm finally admitting to the fact that I am totally, head-over-heels in love with Prince Charming. And I don't think that it's in that damn-you're-so-attractive-and-you-like-me-back-I-can't-believe-it sort of way. That's the way that I was with the Speed Freak and I thought that was love at the time, but I know now that it wasn't. But this feels real. It feels monumental, but so easy all at the same time. It feels right. And almost every time we've talked recently I've wanted to say it; I've felt it on my lips and the edges of my teeth and the tip of my tongue. But at the same time I can't say it. I'm still scared in some underlying way; I'm still waiting for the bubble to burst and for the dream to end. I also don't want to say it over the phone. Anonymous was right in his/her comment on my last post: I do want to look PC in the eyes if and when I do tell him how I feel. Because although this is so scary and so new - I think that he feels the same way. And I know that we haven't been together that long, we haven't even known each other that long, but this feels like something real and something that can grow and deepen and just get better and better with time.

Lyrics of the Day

"What's the problem I don't know, well, maybe I'm in love. Think about it every time I think about it, can't stop thinking 'bout it. How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it 'cause I can't ignore it if it's love." Counting Crows Accidentally in Love

The L-Word

What do you do when you think that possibly, maybe, sort-of you might have heard your boyfriend of two months (officially, today, if you can believe what a ridiculously short time that it's been) tell you that he loves you?

Admittedly it was mumbled, and he was really tired and it wasn't until it was too late that I realized what I might have heard - but I think that he said "I love you" before saying goodbye to me. I will not stoop to the level of asking him if he said it - that just seems like fishing to me. But he might have said it, I think that he said it, and you know what my reaction is? I want to say it back. How scary is that?

I guess that now I just wait to see if he says it again, right?

Lyrics of the Day

"I think I love you, isn't that what life is made of? Though it worries me to say, I've never felt this way." The Partridge Family I Think I Love You

Another Countdown

It's now less than two weeks (actually almost about a week and a half now) until I FINALLY see Prince Charming again. I can't tell you what 5 weeks apart feels like, and if I tried it would probably make you all so nauseous that you'd vomit on your keyboards and short-out your computers. And we wouldn't want that, now would we?

Over the past little while, PC has become Super Boyfriend. I'm afraid to get used to it, because I know that these sorts of things end when the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship is over, but it's been really amazing. We're talking so much that I'm pretty sure one of us is going to have to switch wireless carriers, otherwise this relationship could hit the Guinness Book for expense. He actually called me at 6:00 this morning (it being a weekend, he knew that I didn't have to get up for work or anything and he just wanted to talk to me) and we talked for an hour and a half. Half the time he had me laughing so hard that my stomach hurt. It's still so amazing to me to be with someone that makes me feel so completely secure and cared for. I've never experienced anything like this before. I don't sit around agonizing over what he may or may not feel for me, I don't tiptoe around him and watch what I say, I don't have to hide or be dishonest or dress myself up for him. It just works. The only thing about it that's hard is the distance between us, and I'm realizing that even that isn't so bad. As far as long-distance relationships go, I think I've got a damn good one. I just can't wait to see how it could be when we can see each other more often.

So the weekend after next I'll be in Los Angeles. I'm not telling all of my friends that I'm going, because I just can't find the time to see everyone. I'm going to spend a bit of time with The Sister, because she's leaving to tour South America for 2 months on the 18th. Other than that, I'll be spending as much time as possible with Prince Charming. I'm also hoping to introduce him to SJP and LAJ, my two fabulous girls who will both be back in LA after extended absences.

This is going to sound completely insane and overboard and hasty, but I've been really honest on this blog up to this point, and I don't think there's much point in trying to ignore what's really going on in my head. I really think that Prince Charming is someone that I could grow old with. I can see myself with him, in the real long-run. I have feelings and thoughts and desires about him that I've never had about anyone. I want to meet his whole family. I want to see the towns that he grew up in and see where he went to school and where he hung out. I want to wake up next to him every day, come home to him at night. How freaking cheesy is that?

Lyrics of the Day

"I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches, build you a fire if the furnace breaks, oh it could be so nice, growing old with you." Adam Sandler Grow Old With You