Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Keeping it To Myself

So I’ve been busy. Frighteningly busy really. I bought my townhouse and have spent much of the past couple of weeks working on furnishing it and getting my things moved out of the old apartment. I’ve also spent much of the last couple of weeks dealing with the train-wreck of BS that is still my every interaction with PC – but I’m mostly going to leave that alone in this space. Suffice it to say that six months after we broke up, he has still not come back to Florida to pick up his stuff (which truly is almost every one of his earthly possessions) and he is now scrambling to try to get his act together before the end of the lease on the apartment. It’s not been a stress that I’ve needed, but I don’t seem to have any say in that.

I’ve also been trying to analyze why I haven’t been more eager to tell you all what’s been going on with Joe Montana. I think that I’ve come up with a couple of viable reasons:

1. I chronicled a lot of my elation at the beginning of my relationship with PC and I just can’t bear for anyone (including myself) to make comparisons between that and how things are with Joe Montana at this point.

2. Part of me wants to keep this happiness all to myself and not share the intimate details with anyone.

What’s going on here is too good and too special and too realistic to really be described. It’s also hard for me to talk about it publicly because I know that there are people who will think that it’s just me rushing into something again and that I’m destined to get myself into more trouble (people like The Sister, especially). But it’s just not like that, although I don’t know if I’m able to truly articulate why. It just is, and that’s what’s amazing about it.

A brief break-down is that Joe Montana’s Labor Day visit was amazing. There wasn’t a single thing about the weekend that wasn’t fantastic and not a single thing about it that I wish had gone differently - except maybe the part about him getting on a plane and flying 3000 miles away from me afterward. We’ve talked every day since. We’ve been doing this phone thing for three months now and last night we still managed to accidentally stay on the phone for over an hour because we just didn’t get to the end of our conversation.

I’m going to man up and be honest here, because it’s what I usually do, even though it’s something that has always been hard for me – to be honest about my feelings. I’ve fallen completely in love with Joe Montana. It’s serious stuff here kids. Like, someone-may-have-to-move-across-the-country kind of serious. No real decisions have been made at this point, but we both know that eventually we will actually be able to be together. Because we know this, it’s somewhat easier to be patient with the distance now – though it’ll never be a cakewalk. I’m going to Montana for a weekend to see him in October and he’s coming back to Florida to visit for New Years. It’s not often enough, but we’re doing what we can. And as for that whole “we can date other people” stipulation, well that’s just a moot point. I can’t imagine wanting to, and it’s quite possible I’ll never date again.

Lyrics of the Day

“You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I saw you. You know I dreamed about you. I missed you for 29 years.” The National Slow Show


chris said...

The end of this blog is nigh! Congrats. I need to find a Jane Colorado of my own =).

Anonymous said...

I am happy for you and boo to all the nay sayers! I hope you continue to post, I have enjoyed reading your blog and look forward to more updates. Good luck with Joe!

Anonymous said...

I think there are a few to many patterns that we've seen here... let's just wait it out, we've heard it all before, even after the first weekend with PC. Not to be a pessimist, it just seems like you're more of a romantic that you want to admit, and you fall in love very quickly(even after the first night you meet people, this "forever" potential appears). Which is ok, but it's hard to define "true" love. Also, not to be on PC's side, but maybe he dosen't really want anything to do with you, or all his "stuff" that reminds you of him. It kind of sucks for him, that he didn't really have anything there for him to stay, and shortly after lugging it all down, he has to move it all back again. I think maybe you're a little insensitive. So let's just see what happens, after all, you've only seen Montana twice since you first kissed? You've said yourself you're a hard person to deal with, hopefully you guys don't get too close before you actually take the next step and see eachother everyday before, and you become to hard to deal with. I'm not trying to be mean, you just need critics from both sides right? I want to be on "sisters" for now, after all she knows you better than most anyone right? Good luck, don't move to fast, life is pretty freakin long

Julie said...

Hey PC, is that you?

Anonymous said...

Just a quick follow up to the second anonymous post, and "Julie's" comment. This isn't PC which I think is funny and sad to comment. This is the same person posting, and I've followed the blog for a while. I am a female and am in a relationship. There are ups and downs as in any relationship, and more than anything am playing the devil's advocate here.
Ultimately I am happy for you, I'm simply laying down some defense for the PC side. We don't know both sides. I'm sure we all feel bad for you that you're still dealing with old relationship BS which is no fun for anyone. Sorry to post a negative comment, didn't think it would come off so badly, again like I was saying, just playing the opposite side.
Best of wishes to you because you make your own future and it's much easier to go into it optimistically. Just be careful for yourself. We're all happy that you are happy, and thank you for sharing the trials and tribulations with us.