Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Nothing Certain

At the moment, I cannot bear to use this space as a purely emotional outlet. It is so difficult for me to focus my attention away from what is happening right now, and I need to try to do it as much as possible. So I am just going to state the situation, get it out of the way and go back to frivolous posts about the joy of being single again.

My dad is actually dying. It's past the point where I can fool myself by just saying that he's sick. We've had hospice care come into the house and they think that we'd be lucky if he was around for more than another month.

This is still mostly unimaginable to me, but it's getting to the point that it's undeniable. I was just home in Montana for a bit over a week and the changes that I saw during that time were frightening.

I will be going back home to spend what time I can with him in the next little while - it all depends on how much time he has left. I can't imagine not being there through it all, and I'm going to be there as much as I can.

So that's where I am. That's why I've been silent the last couple of weeks. But I'm not going to dwell on these events here. I can't do it. I need to allow myself to continue to find fun in things and to continue to develop a life here in Florida. I'm not going to wallow when I don't have to and I'm going to distract myself with cute boys and crazy 4th of July weekend camping trips and I'm not going to make myself feel guilty. This will be hard, as my combination Catholic and Jewish heritage makes me predisposed to all sorts of guilt, but I'm going to work on it.

Lyrics of the Day

"And I said, 'Oh Sophia, where'd you get a name like that, living in this dirt road town?' She said, 'I think she was a movie star my father saw before I was born, but I really don't remember now. He left when I was so young.'" Joe Purdy Meteor City


Tilly said...

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your family. And think you are doing exactly what you should be...loving and living.

chris said...

I'm very, very sorry to hear this.

Marcus said...

Blog is not as important as the time you have with your family so you do what you need and we'll still be here for you :)

Suz said...

Keep your chin up, girl. At least you'll have time to tell your dad just what he means to you. And, yep-life goes on, so get out there and be a firecracker!! :)

Peace and prayers to you.

Julie said...

As Tilly said, I am thinking of you and your family. free online dating said...

I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I like this phrase :)