I always thought, in my oh-so-many days of Singledom, that I would be the coolest girlfriend ever. I'm laid-back, I'm not jealous, I like sports, I don't have any hang-ups about pornography, etcetera, etcetera. And while all of these things are reasons that I could be a very cool girlfriend, it turns out that none of that is really what it's about or what it's supposed to be about. I didn't really realize what I was getting into (though I wouldn't trade it for the world). It seems that I got far too used to being single and being on my own and not having my behavior or moods have much effect on anyone else's life, but being in a committed, heading-towards-forever relationship is a much different situation than I've ever found myself in before.
During the 10 days that PC was with me in Montana, I found that you just can't hide anything anymore when you're working your way toward living with someone. You can't pretend that your body is miraculously hairless every day - if you need to shave, the person that you're spending every waking and sleeping minute with is going to know about it. If you have a runny nose and can't force yourself to get out of bed, you can't hide from your significant other - you've got to allow them to suffer through it with you. If you're in a hopelessly black mood, there's just no hiding that from a man who pays the utmost attention to what you do and say. As a person who has a hard time admitting any type of weakness (even to myself), this is proving to be a difficult, though somewhat liberating, adjustment. And when I did have moments of hysteria in Montana (managing to misplace my wallet when I could have sworn that I should have it with me), I couldn't hide my frighteningly stressy side - PC got to see that along with the rest. But throughout the trip, my Prince Charming was unfailingly loving, understanding and tolerant.
All of these things that we experienced on a small scale in Montana, Prince Charming and I have been experiencing in an even more real way over the past six weeks. When, just before the end of Prince Charming's visit to Montana, I finally got the call finalizing my job in San Francisco I was really excited. Though San Fran is a good 5 to 5 1/2 hours from LA, I knew that PC and I would work out a way to see each other as much as possible. I was also excited about the prospect of spending three months in such an interesting and beautiful city. I knew that PC and I would be able to explore it together. And we have, we have managed to see each other every single weekend since I got to San Fran, which has been ever more eye-opening for me.
There is so much stuff that is wonderful: walking across the Golden Gate Bridge together, sleeping in the same bed on a regular basis, cooking in, eating out, watching football together, walking all over my neighborhood, checking out local dive bars. But there are things that have been tough too: my need to decompress at the end of the day and have a bit of space to myself, getting used to PC's less-than-compulsive tidiness / cleaning habits (not that I'm the tidiest person in the world myself - it's just that when I grab the tub of margarine out of the fridge and get margarine all over my hand, I know that I'm not the last one who used it), dealing with the conflict of wanting to share everything with PC but still needing to have some measure of privacy (including this blog, but that is a post for later), trying not to take any bad moods out on each other. But this is what it is, what it's supposed to be. We're building a relationship - a real, lasting, workable relationship - not some fantasy based on infatuation like everything else that I've ever experienced. And through all of it: the good, the great and the not-so-perfect, I've never begun to doubt that I love him or that he loves me. And that is really the most amazing thing of all.
Lyrics of the Day
"Is your figure less than Greek, is your mouth a little weak? When you open it to speak are you smart? But don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me. Stay little Valentine, stay. Each day is Valentine's Day." My Funny Valentine Frank Sinatra